I went back to visit family for Mid Autumn Festival (I left Thursday evening and drove back Sunday evening). It had been about 2 months since I saw my family so it was great to be back. It was also a good break from the rut I was right before because I burnt out from work and got into a negative cycle of thinking and behavior. I’m usually going (or at least trying to go) at 100% everyday whenever I’m not on vacation (like visiting parents or friends) — so I’m working out, going to work, taking classes, working on side hustles, and finding new jobs. It takes a lot of mental and physical energy to get it started, but once you pick up that momentum, it doesn’t take as much energy to keep the grind going as it does to get it started.
When I went home, I essentially let off the gas peddle and took a break. I went from going at 100 mph to 0mph. The transition was easy and it felt great. I woke up late. My parents cooked and bought meals for me. I didn’t have to work out. I wasn’t studying and watched movies with my parents. The feelings I had were completely different from the usual stress and anxiety I carry when I’m trying to squeeze everything I can into my schedule. I wish I could take these breaks more often because just like a car running at full speed, you’ll eventually run out of gas. So going home was a great chance to refuel.
When I came back Sunday evening, I started feeling the hustle side of me come back. I was thinking about how I needed to wake up and work out early in the morning. Planning my entire Monday felt like a chore because I had to remind myself of how much stuff I had to do. It was overwhelming and I was getting anxious. I was still in this vacation mode and I couldn’t find the motivation or drive to get back into gear. I couldn’t eat my dinner in peace when all these thoughts were coming to me. I tried to watch Youtube videos that could take my mind off of the impending Monday but nothing would help .
This was not the first time this situation has happened. I’ve gone to see parents on other Chinese holidays when I was already super busy everyday, but the thing that became more clear was the fact that trying to find the energy to go back to the usual grind is way harder than slowing down. What helped me see that were two ideas or principles:
First, I think the human mind leans more toward comfort as the constant state of being because trying to maintain a hustle like attitude a majority of the day or month or year is painful. Who likes pain? I’m pretty sure nobody does. It’s also a lot easier for us to take a break from work. So why is it so hard to put yourself back in drive?
In physics, there’s something called activation energy. It’s the energy required to start a chemical reaction. The activation energy is always higher than the energy required to maintain a certain state. Just like driving a car, trying to go from 0mph to 100mph is way harder than trying to maintain 100mph. You can hear your engine working hard when you press on the gas pedal. For me, I was trying to go from 0 to 100 when I came back from home. I couldn’t find that activation energy when I was still in the “vacation state” of mind. Not only did I fail to work out, but I even burned myself out just trying to force myself to journal or prep for acting class. So what’s my plan then? It doesn’t make sense to keep repeating the same behavior.
My plan is to take some PTO or time off and gradually work my way back into my routine. I’m not quite sure what the day looks like yet as I’m writing this blog post. I may not be doing everything (like studying or applying to jobs or working out) in one day but I’m planning to do some of those things because it’s better than not doing anything at all (like I did today). I think it’s easier and more beneficial in the long run to try and work your way back to your original capacity.
What do you think?
As always,
Be Confident. Stay Curious.
