“Stop comparing yourself to others.”
We’ve all heard this adage at some point in our lives. It’s solid advice because comparing yourself to others often does more harm than good.
Yet, even after finishing school and spending less time on social media, I still find myself comparing myself to friends and thinking “Damn…I’m not even married” or “Damn…I’m not making as much money” or “Damn…I really wish I was them right now. They look like they’re having so much fun”.
I feel like we compare ourselves to others because we don’t have a personal ruler to gauge our own progress in life. It’s easier to look at somebody else to see where we stand.
So what do you do?
You need to start doing things you are interested in or care about.
It’s a simple idea and task to do, but it’s also easy to forget, especially as you get older. This mindset came to me when I was filming a funny sketch video with a couple of friends.
It’s liberating when you stop comparing
Last weekend, I filmed a short funny sketch video with 2 friends of mine from acting class. It was my first short sketch video that I wrote and acted in.
During our entire 5 hour shoot (which I now have so much more respect for actors who do a full day shoot), I wasn’t thinking if my writing or acting was good enough. I wasn’t trying to write the next Key and Peele sketch or produce the next Good Will Hunting (I absolutely love and look up to both of these people/movies).
All I was interested in was learning how to produce a short sketch. I wanted to write a script, learn how to direct scenes, and act.
It probably won’t be the best sketch I ever help produce, but I could care less what other people think or how it compares to other people’s videos.
It falls in line with your values
Doing something you care about or are interested in aligns yourself with your personal values. You reinforce the idea that you are doing something that defines who you are.
This is important because people will spend 30% of their life working their jobs and 30% sleeping. That leaves 40% of your life to do things that you enjoy – realistically, it’ll be less than 40% since you’ll spend time with other things like driving to work, spending time on your phone, etc…
So if you are working on something that doesn’t align with your values (whether it’s at work or outside of work), you lose track of who you are. You end up forgetting your personal ruler for measuring your progress in life. Eventually, you’ll start to compare yourself to the environment you put yourself in.
The more you do what you are care about, the less you think about what others are doing or how you’re doing compared to others.
You’ll remind yourself that you are living your life. Your own unique life.
You’ll start comparing yourself to yourself.
And that’s the holy grail of comparing. Jordan Peterson says the same thing:
Compare yourself to who you were yesterday
12 rules for life, jordan peterson
So go do something you enjoy, care about, or are interested in to stop comparing yourself to others. If you don’t know what those things are, then it’s time to go on an adventure and find out!
A reminder about comparing…
I often have to remind myself that it’s unfair to compare yourself to others.
Here’s a practical reason.
You compare foods all the time when you go grocery shopping. For example, you compare whether or not a banana is riper than the other or if a bag of chips is cheaper than the other.
You don’t compare if a bag of chips is riper than a banana is. It doesn’t make sense. The banana and bag of chips are completely different types of foods.
The same idea goes with comparing yourself to others. Unless the person you’re comparing yourself to has lived the same exact life you have, it doesn’t make sense to compare yourself to another person. You’re just too different. I’m not just talking about physical differences – I’m also talking about your values, beliefs, etc…
