10 story backed life advice for your 20s

I just turned 30. I’m starting to hear some cracking in my joints. My back is starting to hurt a bit more when I wake up, but ya know what?

I’m still able to run, jump, and eat whatever I want. And for that, I am grateful.

I took a day off from work and went to a coffee shop to reflect on my 20s. Trying to review 10 years in 3 hours was a bit ambitious, but I came out with some valuable insights. I’ve identified some lessons learned, habits, mindsets, and recommendations that I believe would be helpful for anyone navigating their 20s — whether you’re about to enter your 20s, in your mid twenties, or in your late 20s.

I’ve included some stories to add depth and authenticity for each piece of advice. I didn’t want to just say “Go do this” without explaining why because it would make me sound like a cliché fortune you get from a fortune cookie.

10 pieces of life advice for your 20s

Before we jump in, I want to note that I’m not a doctor or a psychologist. The recommendations or advice I provide are purely for educational purposes only. If you are really struggling with your physical or mental health, please consult a professional.

1. Don’t be super hard on yourself

If there was only 1 piece of advice I could give to my younger self, it would be this.

What does being super hard on yourself mean? Here’s an example of my internal thoughts if I didn’t meet a daily goal I set for myself: “you failed. you suck. why bother set more goals? you’re already behind on other areas of your life?” Unless I was distracted doing something else, these thoughts would stress me out for hours. It would feel like a rubber band tightly wrapping around my brain.

I don’t have a single story to highlight this; it’s a pattern that played out countless times.

Being in your 20s is hard. There’s no doubt about that.

There are times when we do need to be a little hard on ourselves in order to push ourselves or to face hard truths. But there’s a line we cross when being hard on ourselves starts to jeopardize our health. Our bodies are not meant to go through that kind of stress.

When you realize you’re being really hard on yourself, pause and ask if these thoughts are really true. If they are, then take as much time as you need to figure out how you arrived at those thoughts and what you need to change. If they aren’t, then let go of the thought and return back to the task at hand. I’m still working on this myself.

I also want to share Wentworth Miller’s, known for his role in Prison Break, advice on stopping negative self talk. It’s helped me out a lot!

2. Don’t live alone but spend time alone

It sounds a little weird…let me explain.

Don’t live alone

I lived with 3 different roommates in my 20s. 2 of them were fantastic roommates. The other wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t good either. These guys were pivotal in different parts of my life. One kickstarted my love for volleyball. One helped me start making YouTube videos and got me through a shoulder surgery. The last guy taught me what to look for in a roommate (I’ll explain this in a bit…)

I really encourage you to live with other people. Living with others can be really fun and less lonely. Some of my best memories of my 20s were made with the first two guys I lived with.

Secondly, you can save so much money when you live with others. I remember splitting a 2 bed/2 bath apartment for ~$1100/month (all utilities + rent) with my first roommate. That’s $550/month. After my roommate left, I moved into a 1 bed/1bath. I was paying ~$1000/month.

Even if you don’t make good friendships with your roommates, you’ll at least learn about your own living habits. You’ll figure out what ticks you off completely and what you can tolerate living with somebody else.

Spend time alone

You will be learning and experiencing so many new things in your 20s that it can feel overwhelming to process. At the same time, you’re sort of expected to be a grownup and have stuff like your career and means of living figured out. Trying to balance all of that is pretty tough.

So spend time alone. take that time to process what you’re going through in life. I would suggest doing once a month catch up with yourself. if you can do weekly, even better. The more feedback you get, the better you can adapt to your situation.

I started doing weekly and monthly “life review” journaling sessions in my mid to late twenties. It’s one of the best things I started doing for myself.

3. Make your bed everyday

I remember listening to Admiral McRaven on YouTube on my way to work one day. He was giving a graduation speech to the University of Texas at Austin. He said if you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. From that video forward, I’ve been making my bed almost everyday for the last 5 years. I’ve also listened to Jordan Peterson say the same thing – clean your room and make your bed.

If you can do the small things, you can do the big things.

Making your bed is a good habit to have in general. By making your bed, you accomplish one of the first tasks of the day. It’s a simple task, mundane at best. It’s not going to solve all your life problems or give you this overwhelming sense of accomplishment.

But making your bed gives you a small yet powerful bit of confidence in yourself that you can tackle the next problem that comes your way. There will be somedays where that will be all you need. When you add up all those micro wins over your day, you develop the confidence to tackle the big problems.

The concept is simple, but surprisingly tough in execution. The key is to do it everyday.

Admiral McRaven ended his talk about making your bed by saying this: “if your day still went bad, then you will come home to a bed that is made”. And for somebody whose gone through that before, sliding into that made bed really feels…nice.

4. Be as present as you can

In 2021, I remember waking up to a phone call from a friend of mine who I hadn’t spoken to in a couple of years. She broke the news that somebody in my graduating class had passed away from a train accident. I wasn’t exactly close with this person, but she was close enough in my circle of friends to make me feel like I had lost somebody close.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed

Life is like a vapor – it can just disappear in an instant. You won’t know when that will be. The only guarantee you have is the present, so be as present in the moment as you can. I believe this is really key for how to be happy in your 20s.

There will be times where you will need to consider future events/possibilities based on current decisions, but don’t invest all your attention in the future.

5. Start investing and saving early!

At the ripe age of 29 (so last year…), I opened up my first high yield savings account. I remember saving $5k and seeing an interest of about $20 dollars or so pop into my bank account. I was so excited because I had just made about 20% of my total annual interest off my checking account in just one month. Ever since then, I’ve been steadily pouring money into my savings. I even started a Roth IRA because of what happened and have been putting money in there as well. I wish I started earlier!

Start early because compound interest and saving is smart

You ever heard of compound interest? It’s this magical thing where if you invest early and with some average return rate, you can make staggering amounts of money with no effort. You’ll set yourself up for retirement.

But Jerry – I’m only in my 20s. Why do I have to think about retirement!? I have asked the same question.

The thing is – it doesn’t hurt to start early. The earlier you start investing, the more $$$ you’ll have by the time you want to retire. Also, you can potentially retire earlier.

Look into your company’s 401k plan. Start your own Roth IRA and HSA. Max out your contributions to both if you can. All very common but very solid financial advice for your 20s.

You’ve probably heard this somewhere, and I’ll say it again: have at least 3-6 months of emergency savings stored up. You never know when something is going to come your way and blow your bank account wide open. With things getting so expensive, it’s becoming more and more crucial to have that savings at the ready.

After you take out your investment and saving money from your paycheck, you’ll realize how much ACTUAL money you have to spend. And I hate to break it to you – it’s not as much as you wished…

6. If you’re struggling, serve and help others

A couple of months ago, I had a rough day at work. I decided to stop by the supermarket on my way home to pick up some snacks to eat my stress away. I bought some chips and candy. As I was leaving the parking lot, I drove passed this old lady near her car. She looked to be in her 80s, and her shopping cart was LOADED with groceries. I still remember seeing boxes of Coca-Cola and three dozen box donuts on the bottom rack of her shopping cart.

My first thought was, “damn! that’s gonna suck for her to reach down and grab those things.”

As much as I wanted to go home and eat my snacks, I felt a strong urge to help her. So I turned back, drove into a nearby parking spot, and walked over. I approached her and asked if I could help her with loading her groceries. She said yes, and together, we loaded her groceries in within a couple of minutes. I jokingly asked out of curiosity if the donuts were a late night snack.

She thanked me for the help. I drove away feeling much lighter. I didn’t even want to eat the snacks I bought for myself.

Serving others gives makes your problems seem more manageable

Helping others shifts your focus from your own problems to their needs. When you can solve somebody’s problem or make their day better, it boosts your confidence because it reminds you that despite your own difficulties, you still have the ability to make a positive difference. This shift in perspective can make your own problems seem not as bad and difficult as they once seemed.

7. Frequently ask for feedback from coworkers

When I was an intern, something had happened with my assigned mentor early on in my internship so this GNC (Guidance Navigation Controls) engineer ended up taking over his role. I asked him for advice on how to improve in the workplace. He said this: “don’t wait for midyear and end of year reviews to learn how to improve. Ask your co-workers every month how you’re doing and what they think you can improve on.” If you’re looking for some career advice in your 20s, use this!

Accelerate your learning and growth

Frequently asking for feedback accelerates your learning and growth. I also believe that it increases the synergy you have with your team because you’re targeting the areas of improvement that other people believe would help them work with you better. I believe that’s why I grew the most as an engineer on my first team – I was constantly asking for that feedback.

It definitely takes some practice to get used to asking for criticism because nobody likes to give negative feedback. Start by asking one person. If you get a positive result and feel good, ask another.

8. Set daily, weekly, and monthly goals

My life started becoming chaotic and messy in 2018 – I was going through a rough team transition at work, dealing with some emotional scars, battling stomach issues, and learning how to buy and take care of a home. I don’t know where I got the idea, but I started writing down goals for myself in an attempt to keep myself organized.

It started off as daily goals – real simple stuff like go do the laundry or go get mail or go to the gym. I didn’t write them everyday. Looking at my old journals, I wrote goals down once a week…sometimes twice a week. Over the next couple of years, I built my up my consistency to writing daily goals 3-4 times a week.

Setting daily goals has helped me tremendously in keeping me focused on my life values and mission.

Setting goals provides direction and progress

In general, this habit is just good to do.

Writing down goals establishes direction of where you need to go.

Without goals, you don’t have direction. Without direction, you won’t have progress because you don’t know where you’re going. Progress is important because progress equals happiness.

If there was something I would do differently in my 20s, it’d be setting a big overarching goal…kinda like a life goal first. It’s a tough goal to set, but if have an answer for it, it’ll help define and enrich the meaning of the smaller goals you set up for yourself in order to reach that life goal.

9. Find a mentor

I had (and still have!) two incredible mentors who profoundly helped me in my 20s. – one was my high school Sunday school teacher from church and the other was my previous boss. Without their wisdom and perspective, I would have stumbled through many financial and emotional decisions on my own. Without their positive encouragement, I would’ve suffered considerably more during my career transition.

They can support you and teach you

Gary Vee said it best – you’re just a kid when you’re in your 20s. Just like a child figuring out how to use the playground, you’re learning how to navigate “the real world”. And that’s not an easy task. You’ll be facing new challenges and opportunities in every aspect of your life, and it will often feel like you’re bombarded with a firehose of information.

Navigating your 20s can be overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Having a mentor is incredibly valuable. They’ve walked the path you’re on so they can show you what they did to overcome similar challenges or unknowns. They can ask the questions you may not have considered when making a decision.

Mentors are also incredibly helpful when things get tough. There will be moments when you feel hopeless like everything you’re doing is just wrong, when nothing seems to go your way, or when you feel like giving up. Having somebody who understands what you’re going through or can hold that space to listen to you can make those heavy feelings a bit lighter…light enough to help you push through.

10. Eat healthy amounts of fiber and probiotics

At the end of 2018, I had developed some major stomach problems. I was throwing up almost everyday (idk how long..it felt like at least a solid 3-4 weeks). I felt bloated a lot. I had a lot of acid reflux. To be honest, I sort of knew why.

Stress was definitely the primary reason, but I think the one little thing that just sent my stomach overboard was me eating moldy leftover ham and turkey from Thanksgiving. As I’m typing this blog post, I still remember trying to save the leftovers by scooping off the mold and cutting off some of the bad meat parts…I have no idea what made me think that was okay…

I started managing my stress better when I was 27, but that didn’t fully solve my stomach issues. It wasn’t until I was 29 that I started to eat more fiber and probiotics for my gut health. I was definitely eating healthier (i.e. eating less processed foods) too, but increasing my fiber and probiotic intake really reduced my stomach pain and issues.

Gut strength, immune system, and mental health

Many foods are important for gut health, but if I had to choose which foods are the most important – it would be fiber and probiotics. Fiber and probiotics really strengthen your gut. It’s important to have a strong digestive system so you can continue eating all the stuff you want and not feel bloated or constipated after every meal.

A healthy gut is also strongly tied to having a strong immune system and staying mentally healthy. The whole research behind the gut microbiome really has taken off in the last 15 years or so. According to Jonathan Jacobs, a professor of digestive diseases at UCLA, 70% of the immune system is located in the gut. So making sure your gut is healthy and strong is important to having a strong immune system.

Your gut and your brain are deeply linked. A simple proof is when you get the “butterfly in your stomach” feeling when you get nervous. So keeping your gut healthy can really help you stay mentally healthy in your 20s.

My 20s expectations versus reality

If you got this far into the blog post, I really do appreciate it.

Before I close out the blog post, I just wanted to briefly mention what I had thought my 20s were supposed to look like and how they actually looked.

Expectations

To feel accomplished in my 20s and to make the most of the decade, I thought I had to do these things:

• travel as much as you can
• figure your career out and climbing the corporate ladder
• be in a long term relationship
• figure out who you are and what you value
• feel mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy

Reality

Here’s what actually happened

• I did some travelling, but not as much as I thought I would. I partially blame the pandemic, but it was mostly me just not planning well. Got a little busy dealing with career and health issues…
• I ended up leaving my 6.5 year career as a mechanical engineer and restarted as a software engineer.
• I am still single (and ready to mingle 🙂 )
• I have not figured out who I am
• I feel like I spent most of my 20s doing some intense soul searching

My 20s turned out to be way harder than I expected. Here’s a life in your 20s quote by Nigel Cole that really captures my experience:

I think your 20s are the hardest part of life. I mean, everyone goes on about how hard it is to be a teenager, but actually I think its tougher to be in your 20s because you’re expected to be a grownup and expected to earn your own living and be successful and I think you feel like a kid still.

Final Thoughts

Most of my advice can be boiled down to the following: eat well, sleep well, work hard, stay active, invest and save, and continually learn. These are common things to do in your 20s to be successful or at the very least, steer your in the direction to be successful, whatever that may look like for you.

Don’t feel like you have to have everything figured out. Explore, learn and grow as much as you can. Be as present as you can. Have some fun while you’re at it.

I hope you enjoyed these 10 pieces of life advice in your 20s.