This is probably going to be the most unorganized blog I write because it’s almost 10:30PM and I’m so far behind on my other daily goals that I don’t have the usual 1-2 hours to write everything in a concise manner (so I do apologize in advance if this post seems all over the place).
I’ve been working full time hours this week as a part time worker. It’s a choice I personally made because of promises I made to other co workers. And again today, I felt really frustrated for staying that long. I felt more tired and my back hurt from doing deadlifts in the morning. I didn’t want to do my daily goals/side hustles and wanted to watch Suits for 3-4 hours (a new show I just started watching!). And I did just that.
And as per usual, the more I watched, the more guilty I felt…something inside of me just kept saying “dude you have other things you could be doing. You got like a solid hour of rest and Youtube…get your ass out of the chair and go write Leetcode or work on this blog or edit your video”, but something else was saying “I’m sick and tired of feeling guilty for myself”. And this is where the show Suits comes in… A key theme I’m picking up in Suits is you need to have confidence in yourself first before you can serve your client (or else why would you go to an incompetent lawyer?). For me, that confidence comes from telling myself that I will do what I wrote down for my daily goals and not run away from them by watching more Youtube. By doing them, it’s showing myself that I am keeping those promises (like the promises I make to others at work).
As I was coding, I was noticing how my mind was coming up with 10 different reasons why I should stop and just relax for the rest of the night. Some examples:
- your not coding the full time you told yourself you would
- it’s almost the end of the week. just relax.
- you’re not getting any interviews…what’s the rush of trying to work on your project?
- you’ll feel more refreshed tomorrow if you take the night off
- if you code, you are going to have to do all the other things you missed like practicing volleyball, journaling, video editing, etc… you think you can do all that still with the time you have left tonight?
But I told myself that if I decided to continue watching Suits or sit around nothing, I would be letting myself down. It sounds like I’m being pretty hard on myself but I still had time left after dinner so I pushed through the mental battle and finished a solid hour coding session. Trust is built during hard times (also depicted in the show Suits). After work felt like a hard time because of all the frustration and guilt, but I’m glad I used the remaining time of the evening to do something important. I even felt a tiny sense of accomplishment because normally, I’d just give up and continue watching Youtube guilt fully and stressfully, but this time around, I decided to put in effort on my goals. It’s just a small choice and a small win, but I feel like if you stack those small wins up, your trust in yourself will be big.
If you got it this far, I appreciate you reading. I wrote this last minute because I felt like it would be a good reminder for myself to not give up on hard days and maybe even encourage some of you in some way.
