About a week ago, I had my mid year performance review at work. Considering the fact that I just changed careers, I was rather pleased with most of the feedback I got. I was also a bit surprised (in a good way) by how specific & detailed some of the feedback were.
I think one of the reasons was because I was collaborating with way more people. I think the other reason was that I was constantly seeking monthly feedback from the people who I had asked to give a mid year evaluation of me.
Seeking monthly feedback was a piece of advice I had received a while back as an intern and it’s one of the best pieces of advice I’ve received for becoming a better engineer. You don’t have to wait until mid year or end of the year to see how you’re doing. You can ask on a monthly basis like I did.
Joining a new team at work
Lately, one of the things that I’ve been struggling with has been my transition to a new team at work. I knew about my team change before my performance review. It wasn’t something new when it was brought up during the review.
When I first got the email, my initial reaction was more of disappointment than frustration. I just started a new career and found a great team and a boss to work for. Furthermore, my current boss is also my hiring manager. She knows more of what I do on a daily or even weekly basis, which helps my performance reviews. To be honest, it has been a while since I found a great team and a great boss to work for.
I’ve had my fair share of team changes throughout my career but I felt like this work change kind of stung a little more.
Is the cup half empty or half full?
While a majority of my friends saw this as an opportunity to learn and do something new, I saw it as a huge bump in the road. A bump that I didn’t want to ride over. It was one of those “how do you see the cup? half empty or half full?” type situations.
I’ve had thoughts about “what if my new team or boss isn’t as good as my current one?” or “what if I don’t enjoy the work?”. I had so much anxiety at one point that I really didn’t want to go to work. A part of me really wanted to speak up and ask if I could stay on my current team, but I had a gut feeling that I needed to branch out. That I needed to try something different.
Embracing change isn’t easy
The transition hasn’t been easy. Over the last couple of days, I’ve beaten myself mentally about the situation. I lost sleep and stopped exercising; I’ve felt super unmotivated after work. Not exactly the best response to the situation.
I believe there’s always a point in life where you have to say “enough is enough”. I reached that point yesterday. I couldn’t let myself waste away time after work when I knew I had important things to do. So I’m journaling and taking action on how I can see this as an opportunity for career testing and personal growth. It feels super uncomfortable reorienting my mind when it’s been opposing this whole transition.
You think embracing change is easy or difficult? What’s been a helpful way for you to be more open to change?
